CyberFootprint

“Meetings are toxic!” claims the book called Rework! (key lessons here). It is a necessary evil to everyone who works in a corporation or a moderate-sized company. Here is a set of guidelines that you can use to turn a disastrous meeting to a highlight of all participants’ days.

Prepare refreshments

Volunteer to put the coffee to the coffee machine two weeks before the crucial meeting and make sure only decaffeinated material is loaded into the machine. After two weeks, when the meeting is about to start, prepare very strong espresso for every attendee as an incentive. That ensures everybody’s full attention during all presentations.

Avoid confusion

Send agenda of the meeting to everybody in advance. Preferably, as an Excel spreadsheet, where all the information is written on the 55th sheet, in a cell with coordinates IS 1297. Use a similar strategy for the agenda and notes distribution. White font on a white background is a must.

Get down to business early

Start the meeting with introducing all members present. This is particularly effective if you are running short on time. Include your colleagues’ nicknames, and if you have a PowerPoint presentation ready, display the most embarrassing photos from their childhood.

Motivate the attendees

When it comes to making a crucial decision about an important project, put it as the last point of the agenda right after 2 hours long presentation on “Deterministic implications of International Monetary Fund’s policies on our company – Prognosis for the year of 2057.” Then lock the door and order a lot of pizza to be delivered in front of the board room. Make sure that everyone smells the food and claim that you are not striving for a consensus on the important decision, not a compromise.

Let the adrenaline flow

Obtain a pistol similar to ones that are used to start cross country races. This gadget is extremely handy for moments of total despair or boredom. In case nobody wants to listen to you, threaten to commit a suicide. If it doesn’t work, point the gun directly at the skeptic.

Do you know of any other ways of having a fabulous meeting? Share them in your comments!

Image credit